30 January 2009

SALSA: Long time, no see.

At this present pleasant moment, I'm people watching at the airport. I see a young man talking on his cell -- he just said "a'right." I hear the woman next to me eating chips, and I wish she would pass them my way, but we're strangers, and I imagine she would be offended if I asked her for one. A couple nearby are reading the funnys in the paper (is that what we actually call them?) while he rubs her neck. An older guy in a brown blazer is inspecting his laptop, and another girl is putting make-up on. Some 90's soft rock is playing in the background, which makes the whole scene a bit sedating perhaps. And I? I just found a hostel to stay in tonight in Berkeley (thank goodness!). I'm thinking about how strange and fascinating people are, and I'm wishing I were salsa dancing just now. The carpet would make it difficult. :)

student-teacher relationships

Today two of my students from last semester visited me. It made me really happy.

29 January 2009

Lila Downs and Frida

La Llorona: My heart hurts just thinking about this song.

Saw Lila in Hong Kong of all places.

She signed my chupikabra shirt. I still have it of course. :)
Later, I got to visit Frida's blue home...

Like This

There is a community of the Spirit.
Join it, and feel the delight
of walking in the noisy street,
and being the noise.
Drink all your passion,
and be a disgrace.
Close both eyes
to see with the Other Eye.
Open your hands
if you want to be held.
Consider what you've been doing!
Why do you stay with such a mean-
spirited and dangerous partner?
For the security of having food,
admit it!
Here's a better arrangement: Give up this life,
and get a hundred new lives.
Sit down in this circle.
Quit acting like a wolf, and feel
the Shepherd's Love filling you.
At night, your Beloved wanders.
Don't take pain-killers.
Tonight, no consolations.
And don't eat.
Close your mouth against food.
Taste the lover's mouth in yours.
You moan, "But she left me. He left me."
Twenty more will come.
Be empty of worrying
Think of Who Created Thought!
Why do you stay in prison
When the door is so wide open?
Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking.
Live in Silence.
Flow down and down in always
Widening rings of Being.

27 January 2009

A tribute to KCRW

KCRW makes me happy. I find it soothing.

Here's a tune I heard this week:

Family Circus

Micah Green's "I know I know" is good too.

Last night in Echo Park...Robert Francis

Thanks to http://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/

"Probably the best candidate for a broken heart."

26 January 2009

Wabi Sabi, Masa, and inspirational thoughts

Met a good friend at Masa in Echo Park. I sure like this place and the time travel store down the way.


Our meal and time together really blessed my spirit. Lots of synergy, compassion, and Wabi Sabi.

"Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
- Leonard Cohen

23 January 2009

Fear and Family

My brother's new fav song by jazmin sullivan....

"I'm scared to try cause I'm scared to fail
I'm scared to die cause I'm scared of hell
I'm scared to kiss scared to hug
I'm scared of sex cause I'm scared to touch

I'm scared to look cause I'm scared to see
I'm scared of you cause I'm scared of me
I'm scared to fly cause I'm scared to crash
I'm scared to move on so I live in the past

I'm scared to fight cause I'm scared to bleed
I'm scared of love cause I'm scared he'll live
I'm scared of drugs I'm scared to drink
I'm scared to swim cause I'm scared to sink

This may sound silly but it's true
So don't pretend it ain't you too
We all afraid of something here
Cause you ain't human with out fear

Scared to grow up cause I'm scared to grow old
Scared of the dark and beign alone
I'm scared of war I'm scared of jail
Scared to share a secret cause I'm scared you'll tell

This may sound silly but it's true
So don't pretend it ain't you too
We all afraid of something here
Cause you ain't human with out fear"

Are we really not human without fear?
And, what about the thought that the only thing to fear is...

Tegan and Sara....Mates of the State

I know I'm a bit late in the game, but I'm just discovering T and S.
Remember when I was
Sweet and unexplainable
Nothing like this person,

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen

Reminds me of Mates of the State. JillyG introduced me to them oh so long ago in ...2000?

I particularly enjoy their "Everyone Needs an Editor."

I feel right all the time
I am right all the time

(Well, oh well let's call it quits)
Runaway forever
Cut me some slack
It's my side of the mountain

(Well, oh well let's call it quits)
Right away if I could
And if I might
It's my side of the bed

I color the sky with you
I let you choose the blue

Reminds me of a song J-A used to sing.
Walked up a hill today came to the sky.
There I was.
I could hardly believe
I had reached it so suddenly.
...My beautiful blue away?

22 January 2009

Too fitting not to post. Ah...Ten Days.


My co-worker gave me the Once soundtrack. He's a nice guy.

I liked the movie, and I really find this song fascinating.

The important questions

Life is about asking the right questions?

Family Tree

Visited my great-aunt with the grammie the other day. My family is strange, kind of insane, and beautiful. Spain, New Mexico, Germany, California -- love, responsibility, abuse, murder.

Later that day, my grammie and aunt helped me remove my dreads and told me their personal love stories.

Nostalgia: January

Januarys in my life have often been interesting. As this January passes -- I'm heading up to Berkeley!
-- I'd like to pause and honor the past.

January 08, in Hawaii
and sailing in Long Beach.

2007 was a hard January, but I made some great decisions.

2006 -- where was I? Turkey in 2005.
Big Bear in 2004 I think, guessing from Scotty's long hair.

And before? Well, 2001 in D.C. and 2000 in Baja!

Speaking of Baja, I'm going back there this Summer! Reunion!

I heart San Clemente

On the way back from SD, my brother and I visited an old childhood friend who lives by the shore. She was sitting on the beach with her baby, and we took a walk on the sand. I talked to J-A as we walked.

San Clemente is a wonderful place, and I'm glad our friend lives there.

How do you take care of an orchid? a rose?

Orchid Show, Balboa Park

San Diego with the sibs

This past weekend, my sister, brother, and I lived it up in SD. I like them. I like SD. It was relaxing, loving, and sharing. It was a "good thing."

North Park

Cat people

So, I'm wondering what is the difference between cat and dog people? My brother is thinking about getting a new family dog, and I suggested a cat instead. He didn't like that idea. But look....

Wouldn't she be nice to have in your home? Let's name her "Dinah."

Hmm...I'm now reminded of Cat Power. She's cool.

16 January 2009

Goodbye Grissom

Friday, January 16, 2009

Subject: CSI, love, and travel
Current mood: hopeful

13 January 2009

What is truth?

I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine.

The first time is awkward....

Been reading a short story by a friend, "God is a Chalk Artist." I feel it is about love and living. It's about the story called love in all the confusion and miscommunication. My story? Everyone's story?

This line, "The first time is awkward," rings so true with me. And yet, I believe we expect the first time to be amazing. I'm thinking it's time for me to accept the amazingly awkward firsts of life.

Reminds me of:

Awkward turtle.
Awkward tree.

12 January 2009

A writer's bio?

I was inspired by a writer's online bio to write one of my own. It's shamelessly like the one online, so call the plagarism squad.

Cristy Rose is currently respectably employed in Long Beach, California by the California State School system, subversively inviting to young men and women to think in her English 100 classes. She hopes to get back home to Santa Fe, New Mexico next summer to stay.

While Cristy Rose is living with a broken heart just now, she credits her guru, Mary Oliver, for her mantra..." You only have to let the soft animal of your body Love what it loves." Besides a passion for CSI: Las Vegas, Cristy Rose is borderline logos/sophos-obsessive. She is an old-school aesthetic ascetic - i.e., she won't be leading the Revolution, but she'll be celebrating the ebb and flow along the way while shouting “viva la revolucion!”

"A Father's Story" - Andre Dubus

A story about a father's love for his daughter. It explores compassion, forgiveness, guilt, and a father "saving" his daughter.

The last lines are the father's "discussion" with God.

God says, I am a Father too.
But You never had a daughter and, if You had, You could not have borne her passion.
So, He says, you love her more than you love Me.
I love her more than I love truth.
Then you love in weakness, He says.
As You love me, I say....

I'm not sure what to make it of it all. The father-daughter relationship is important for sure. They say that once a man becomes a father, he changes radically. I see all these advertisements around that read, "Take time to be a dad today."

The influence on daughters and really everyone is great.
Reminds me of:

Boys soldiering, girls cleaning up the mess, women and their good, good hearts.

I noticed the words "men" or "man" don't appear in the song. I wonder if the "solution" is looking at men and masculinity. There seems to be no "owning up" to how to help in the "now" this girl who is an ever-changing maze (in the larger maze of misogyny?). Mayer asks for prevention in the future, but what will he do now that he's "done all [he] can"? Is he simply saying, "not my responsibility" and leaving off until the next generation?

Or, is it realistic? We all have limitations, right? It seems the other side of the continuum is Dubus' story of a father saving his daughter from the consequences of her own actions.

Overall(!), perhaps the larger question is if God had a "daughter" instead of a "son," would men-women/father-daughter relationships be so different?

Mary Oliver, you save me sometimes.

You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees. For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body Love what it loves.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.

06 January 2009

Twos, toos, tos

I'm usually a fan of threes and fours, at sometimes, tens. Recently, twos seem to be the trend. It's probably a sign. I wonder what it means. What does it all mean?

New Year Celebrations....

To bring in the new year, I stayed at Deer Park Monastery. I have been reading Thich Nhat Hanh and practicing peace in my life, and when I discovered this sanctuary in "the great hidden mountain," I decided I needed to go. I'm sure grateful I did. Happiness is here and now. The bell to bring us to our veg meals. I sat by the bell and sun-bathed.

The path to my tent.
The labyrinth on the mountain top.
Family on one of our walks.

Breathing in, Breathing out.
I am a blossoming flower.
I am fresh as the dew.
I am solid as the mountain.
I am firm as the earth.
I am free.
I am water reflecting what is real and true.
I feel there is space deep inside of me.
I am free.

Goodbye my Christmas Tree

This is the tree behind home. It lights up every year after Thanksgiving and stays till after the New Year. Since today is Epiphany, I imagine it is leaving again soon. Ahhh, I will miss you, friend of my childhood.

Christmas Day Henna

Nostalgia: Winter Solstice

Last year, my first year to celebrate the occasion, I attended a party at Barbara's, and one of the things we did was make head wreaths.

This year, I celebrated with Unity Bridges by making earth wombs among other things.

And a bit back, I made my own head wreath for a gathering at Tiombe's.

Tribute to Red

The continental

05 January 2009

Don't sweat girl be yourself

So, I've had this Ipod Touch for a while, and I just don't think it's that helpful for me. This Christmas, dad got me an Ipod speaker thing, and I just don't want it I think. Hm....I do like those Ipod commercials:

Work your thing out

Theres so many-a girls
I hear you been running
From the beautiful queen
That you could be becoming
You can look at my palm
And see the storm coming
Read the book of my life
And see I've overcome it
Just because the length of your hair ain't long
And they often criticize you for your skin tone
Wanna hold your head high
Cause you're a pretty woman
Get your runway stride home
And keep going
Girl live ya life

I just wanna be myself
Don't sweat girl be yourself
Follow me
Follow me
Follow me
Girl be yourself
That's why I be myself
And I'm gonna love it

Let em get mad
They gonna hate anyway
Don't you get that?
Doesn't matter if you're going on with their plan
They'll never be happy
Cause they're not happy with themselves

Na na work what you got
I'm talking bout things that I know
Na na work what you got
It's okay show yourself some love
Na na work what you got
Don't worry bout who's saying what
It's gonna be fine
Work what you got

Feelin great because the light's on me
Celebrating the things that everyone told me
Would never happen but God has put his hands on me
And aint a man alive could ever take it from me
Working with what I got I gotta keep on
Taking care of myself I wanna live long
Aint never ashamed what life did to me

Wasn't afraid to change cause it was good for me
I wanna...

I just wanna be myself
Don't sweat girl be yourself
Follow me
Follow me
Follow me
Girl be yourself
That's why I be myself
And I'm gonna love it

Let em get mad
They gonna hate anyway
Don't you get that?
Doesn't matter if you're going on with their plan
They'll never be happy
Cause they're not happy with themselves

Na na work what you got
I'm talking bout things that I know
Na na work what you got
It's okay show yourself some love
Na na work what you got
Don't worry bout who's saying what
It's gonna be fine
Work what you got

"Thunder only happens when it's raining"

I'm liking Fleetwood Mac lately. Last Halloween, I was Stevie Nicks. Funny -- I can't remember what I was this past Halloween.