25 June 2019

Moments of Control

Today was one of those days when you, as a parent, are presented with this choice: hold your child down, control that child's body, because you believe it is necessary -- or walk away.

I remember having this choice when my little one was an infant, maybe a toddler, and we needed him to be securely in his carseat.  I remember having to hold him down while my partner buckled him in.

Today, a couple years later, this child is nearly 4.  And, once again, we are in this situation.  I am in this situation.  This time, it's about vaccines. 

I want to give myself some grace; the last few vaccine sessions went smoothly.  Our little one wasn't happy about the shot, but he went along with it.  I sensed he understood it was mandatory for him to go to "his school," the school he loves immensely, where he knows his friends are, where he loves the songs and games and toys and snacks.

This time, was different.  Perhaps it was nap time, perhaps it is his age, perhaps it is that we are going through a huge time of transition: dadda is gone to work in Alaska and we have no home presently.
Whatever the reason, my child ends up yelling at me that he does not want the shot and he backs away terrified.  Honestly, I want to post a pic of what his face and body look like at this moment  -- oh, lorde, how awful -- and a pic of mine -- lorde have mercy, but I just can't.  Up until this moment, that face and those words never existed in our family's world. 

I imagine, though, it's a meme like this:
sad comfort eating GIF


So, 30 minutes into this terribly traumatic doctor's visits, and I am finally holding my child in my lap while the nurse holds his legs, and another nurse pops in and says, "What if we reschedule?"

And, I say, "yes."