things of old

Been writing and talking a lot about the things that I used to like in high school that may not have been so healthy for me; in fact, they are downright disturbing and my love of them makes me wonder.  Here's some I've been thinking about:
Christina's World by Wyeth,

Donne's "Batter My Heart,"

Batter my heart, three person'd God; for, you

As yet but knocke, breathe, shine, and seeke to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow mee,'and bend
Your force, to breake, blow, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurpt towne, to'another due,
Labour to'admit you, but Oh, to no end,
Reason your viceroy in mee, mee should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weake or untrue.
Yet dearley'I love you,'and would be loved faine,
But am betroth'd unto your enemie:
Divorce mee,'untie, or breake that knot againe,
Take mee to you, imprison mee, for I
Except you'enthrall mee, never shall be free,
Nor ever chast, except you ravish mee.

And this here book too.

writing poems in late Winter

I've been writing poetry a lot lately. I took a Poetry Therapy class, and I guess I've been inspired. It almost feels like when I'm writing a poem I am taking a picture of my emotions and keeping them for remembrances.  

a remembrance

My friend Judy is putting together a collection of words for peace. I gave her this. 


My first memory is holding hands across America.

I'm five I think. It's sunny and the light is in my eyes.
My grammie is on my left, an old man stranger on my right,
and my abuelito nearby.
I'm smiling up at my gram and the happy faces around me
That are singing, "We are the world" and
Asking for peace.

And, still today, I know
This is what peace is like.
It is a coming together.

Peace is singing around the campfire,
holding someone in love,
a kiss upon the cheek,
a tear wiped away, and
a mother rocking her child.


Peace is believing and trusting.
It is a head laying on a shoulder,
pushing a friend on the swing,
giving your sister the last piece,
and holding hands across the world.

Health Insurance Drama

So, I had a pap smear in December 2009, and my health insurance, Summit America Insurance, said it was fully covered as did the doctor, Dr. Jody Balloch, in Camarillo, Ca.  Both, of course, I highly do not recommend working with because for the first time, I'm really feeling the hopelessness of our medical world and health coverage. I feel pushed around and powerless. The insurance and medical language is so foreign to begin with, but it seems that the doctor's office, or their billing company, speaks a different language from the insurance company, and I'm having to translate!  It's so frustrating when people don't handle their responsibilites, and say, "I'm sorry; I wish I could help you, but I can't."  

Yes, it would be so much easier to just pay the bill.  I've already had another papsmear since 2009 (thank you planned parenthood!).  However, it's now become a matter of justice.  Finally, my "don't mess with me" side is waking up, and I've spoken with a lawyer even (ok, a friend who is a lawyer), and this injustice will not stand I tell you! This is for all the folks who have no voice, who are being charged for things far more expensive (and more perhaps "private") when the insurance companies should be covering them! 

What's perhaps even more sad is that this insurance is for volunteer religious workers. It was my coverage on the non-profit farm! I've never been one of those to stand and be arrested for a cause, but I tell you, I'm working up that way fast.

And, in case you didn't know, dear reader. This is a pap smear (though the those in Australia may call it a pappy): 

A little aside: oddly enough, my friend Scott Lehman is publishing an article on distorted maps of Havana shaped to look like female reproductive anatomy just ready to be conquered. 

missing oliver already

Painting vegetables

I have this new hobby -- painting vegetables and fruit. Here's a few of the recent beauties.

rainbow chard

radishes

still life with pear and other fruit

a case of the madeleines...

Mel told me about how Proust writes about this...."episode of the madeleine" this morning. I was making "detox" yogi tea, and told Mel it reminded me of my semester in Washington DC over ten years ago.  I drank this particular tea almost everyday then.  Memories flashed back involuntarily of running the "mall" to Lincoln Memorial and back to our little apartment near this bookstore where I bought the complete works of Oscar Wilde.  I remember feeling very determined as well as very out of place. I kept thinking, as I was in these political meetings and conversations, "I get all the news I need on the weather report."  Quoting Simon and Garfunkel certainly wasn't the best way to mesh with DC society, and so I floundered a lot.


On the Washington Mall with
Margot, a teacher who gave me "The Art of Kissing,"
Bethany the Writer,
a friend who introduced me to Ethiopian Food in Adams Morgan,
and Melody, who I liked a lot.


Anyways, I love madeleines, I love the name madeleine (and madison. The two names of my car.), and I'm thankful for this morning's episode.

An update newsletter

I recently heard that I should have sent out a little holiday update, so I came up with this Chinese New Year newsletter.

Dear Friends,

With the coming new year of the rabbit Wednesday, I decided it was time to write a little review of my life and send it out my amigas. I hear 2011 will be a year of stronger and more intimate relationships for me as a sheep (in the Chinese zodiac). Already, in the past few years, my relationships have been more trusting and nurturing. I’m incredibly grateful for my friends, allies, sisters, and family, and here’s my brief sum up of mid 2009 to now:

Let’s see – In late summer 2009, my dog Oliver and I moved out of Highland Park (LA), took time to travel in New Mexico and Baja, and then moved into an organic vegetable farm in Ventura County (VC). At the same time, I decided to take a break from teaching English at CSU, Long Beach and began my studies in Women’s Spirituality at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Fran.

Winter at the Farm with Oliver

It was a big move, but the year at the farm helped me integrate my academic or heady studies into my heart and body. I lived “intentionally” with four amazing women, and together we worked with the Earth to develop a community focused on sustainability and integrity.


My studies let me explore so many interesting subjects including women’s ways of “knowing” as well as my mestiza and pinay (Filipina) roots. In my spare time, I took flight lessons (a life goal of mine), studied native plants, connected with other labyrinth loving women in VC, became a part of the art and sweat lodge culture around the farm, and joined a hula dancing group led by some fellow salseras.

Our Farm (and me) in the Ventura County Star

Although we as a farm community ventured out of the area a few times (up to Yosemite, out to Ojai, and down to LA), I spent most of the year settled in at the farm house. Thankfully, so many friends (from Berkeley to Switzerland) came to visit and joined in with our farm life (and farm parties!).


As summer 2010 approached, I decided to dive more into my PhD adventure and leave our community. The farm had been such a stable place, and I knew the transition would be challenging and that I would miss my sisterfriends at the farm.

Nevertheless, this past Autumn has been full of “good things” as I travel between the Bay area for school and the L.A. area for family. Both my grandfather and mother have been sick, and although this has been difficult, there have also been some beautiful moments. Also, I’m pleased to announce that I continue to enjoy my studies, and I will be presenting a paper on “Mestiza Spirituality and Embodied Restlessness” at the American Academy of Religion Conference in Whittier (my hometown!) in March.

In between family and school time, I continue to dance salsa and I’ve taken up danza Azteca and other rich forms of dancing with my friends. I’ve also had the honor to share stories and live with a few old friends in the Bay and LA area I hadn’t seen in a long while (some for 8 years or so!).

Next week, I’m traveling North again to work on my PhD. I will stop at the farm, and then I will be in SF taking a new semester of classes. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be what I love: a traveler, a learner, and hopefully, a healer.

Reflecting on all of my life adventures thus far (I’m thinking of undergrad, Europe, Asia, and Oz too) is such a gift with endearing friends like you! Thank you for being a reflection, an adviser, a mentor, and a part of my chosen (extended) familia.

Oliver and I send you love, joy, and transformation this coming year! - Cristy Rose