things of old

Been writing and talking a lot about the things that I used to like in high school that may not have been so healthy for me; in fact, they are downright disturbing and my love of them makes me wonder.  Here's some I've been thinking about:
Christina's World by Wyeth,

Donne's "Batter My Heart,"

Batter my heart, three person'd God; for, you

As yet but knocke, breathe, shine, and seeke to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow mee,'and bend
Your force, to breake, blow, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurpt towne, to'another due,
Labour to'admit you, but Oh, to no end,
Reason your viceroy in mee, mee should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weake or untrue.
Yet dearley'I love you,'and would be loved faine,
But am betroth'd unto your enemie:
Divorce mee,'untie, or breake that knot againe,
Take mee to you, imprison mee, for I
Except you'enthrall mee, never shall be free,
Nor ever chast, except you ravish mee.

And this here book too.

writing poems in late Winter

I've been writing poetry a lot lately. I took a Poetry Therapy class, and I guess I've been inspired. It almost feels like when I'm writing a poem I am taking a picture of my emotions and keeping them for remembrances.  

a remembrance

My friend Judy is putting together a collection of words for peace. I gave her this. 


My first memory is holding hands across America.

I'm five I think. It's sunny and the light is in my eyes.
My grammie is on my left, an old man stranger on my right,
and my abuelito nearby.
I'm smiling up at my gram and the happy faces around me
That are singing, "We are the world" and
Asking for peace.

And, still today, I know
This is what peace is like.
It is a coming together.

Peace is singing around the campfire,
holding someone in love,
a kiss upon the cheek,
a tear wiped away, and
a mother rocking her child.


Peace is believing and trusting.
It is a head laying on a shoulder,
pushing a friend on the swing,
giving your sister the last piece,
and holding hands across the world.

Health Insurance Drama

So, I had a pap smear in December 2009, and my health insurance, Summit America Insurance, said it was fully covered as did the doctor, Dr. Jody Balloch, in Camarillo, Ca.  Both, of course, I highly do not recommend working with because for the first time, I'm really feeling the hopelessness of our medical world and health coverage. I feel pushed around and powerless. The insurance and medical language is so foreign to begin with, but it seems that the doctor's office, or their billing company, speaks a different language from the insurance company, and I'm having to translate!  It's so frustrating when people don't handle their responsibilites, and say, "I'm sorry; I wish I could help you, but I can't."  

Yes, it would be so much easier to just pay the bill.  I've already had another papsmear since 2009 (thank you planned parenthood!).  However, it's now become a matter of justice.  Finally, my "don't mess with me" side is waking up, and I've spoken with a lawyer even (ok, a friend who is a lawyer), and this injustice will not stand I tell you! This is for all the folks who have no voice, who are being charged for things far more expensive (and more perhaps "private") when the insurance companies should be covering them! 

What's perhaps even more sad is that this insurance is for volunteer religious workers. It was my coverage on the non-profit farm! I've never been one of those to stand and be arrested for a cause, but I tell you, I'm working up that way fast.

And, in case you didn't know, dear reader. This is a pap smear (though the those in Australia may call it a pappy): 

A little aside: oddly enough, my friend Scott Lehman is publishing an article on distorted maps of Havana shaped to look like female reproductive anatomy just ready to be conquered.