Been thinking of my entire school career: starting with preschool and ending, to a certain degree, soon.
Been thinking I do not have to be in school.
Been thinking of the family who went to school before me.
Been thinking of being the sister, aunt, cousin, granddaughter, daughter that has an MA, that will have a PhD.
Been thinking of how I could have just become a monastic, an ascetic, a flower shop owner, a wife, a pilot, a farmer, a priest, a pastor, a suicide, a mother.
How I could have done nothing.
How I could still be and do or not do all these things, and, yet, I’m here in a coffee shop on Shell Beach still working on my dissertation.
Been thinking of the space I inhabit here and now, and in that space, I can simultaneously believe I am very productive and then fall into thinking I am not accomplishing much at all; how I can feel that everything I want to accomplish is easy and, then suddenly, daunting.
Been thinking of not succumbing to self-sabotage.
Been thinking of not betraying myself and my story.
Been thinking a lot.
Been thinking too much.
|With the Sequoias|