19 August 2013

A Woman (Re) reading

Been diving into the literature I've chosen for my dissertation:

Ana Castillo’s So Far From God, Jessica Hagedorn’s Dogeaters and Merlinda Bobis’ Flight in Song, and Starhawk’s The Fifth Sacred Thing.

Been taking extensive notes and enjoying these precious, sacred texts that speak to my heart's desires for communities, role models, visions, and languages that remind me that I belong without having to "fit in."

Castillo's So Far I read while at Biola and again a few years ago and again this year in the Philippines and again now. It just kills (and rebirths me!). This time around, I was particularly drawn to doña Felicia as she prays for Caridad when she disappears into the hills.  She prays to St. Anthony and uses divining sticks, but she won't pray to Santo Nino.  Castillo writes about it:

“Now, El Santo Niño de Adotcha is another matter – and he more than likely had probably guided Caridad to a refuge. But many year before doña Felicia and El Santo Niño had had a falling out, so she no longer entrusted her prayers to child Jesus who once saved Christians from Muslims in conquered Spain and in North American saved conquering Catholics from pagan Indians. (This was part of doña Felicia’s problem with the little saint in Spanish regal dress, trying to accept that he saved souls or abandoned them depending on their nationalistic faith).”

Two recent retreats -- one for the CIIS Women's Spirituality students and the other for the Babaylan Conference organizers -- have also reminded me that I belong. With these amazing folks, I feel loved for who I am: Mestiza feminist/womanist who believes in a relational way of being/knowing, who is learning how to let go and transform again and again, and who is embracing her fears and her creativity.  

And, it's pretty wonderful to begin to be more active in projects outside of school.  Met with a few other pinoy/ays at the Asian Art Museum this past week to walk through our "Opening Ceremony" for the Filipino/a-American Celebration October 6.   Also, saw some of my writing out in the media, advertising for the Babaylan Conference (http://globalnation.inquirer.net/82949/babaylan-confab-in-california-to-explore-myths-beliefs-folkways).

Overall, I feel like I'm learning how to articulate/say that I am done keeping a White/ Masculinist framework as the norm in my communities.  I'm done with fitting in or being otherized as not enough White, male, hetero, Christian, intelligent, wealthy.  I am done with White/non-White, male/non- male, hetero/non- heterosexual, and more. Those binaries and that labeling suffocates me. 

I am multi
as the world is
as my body is and
as my experiences are.

Oh, and I have been thinking of buying a house/sail boat. I think it's where I am being called to live.  I lived in one over the weekend, and I just loved it all: the small space and the sun and the water.

No comments: